


Snails Do It Differently

by Mrinalinee



Category: Jurassic Park (Movies), Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dinosaurs, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-14
Updated: 2009-10-14
Packaged: 2018-01-06 19:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1110877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrinalinee/pseuds/Mrinalinee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which a hypothesis is tested,  several invasive non-native species are eradicated, and a conclusion is reached.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snails Do It Differently

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to b_p and Lassiter for betaing, cheerleading, and generally enabling.

Morgana sighs hugely as they watch the last helicopter clear the island.

“It’s your fault,” says Merlin. “You should take responsibility for your own actions.”

“Take responsibility for yourself, Merlin,” snaps Morgana. “They shouldn’t have pranced around here with their stupid human legs and delicious human brains and crunchy human bones and nutritious vascular systems if they didn’t want to be eaten.”

Merlin stares longingly after the departing humans and their delicious human brains and crunchy human bones and nutritious human vascular systems.

“We could recruit the pteranodons to attack them and bring them back. Dead or alive,” he suggests.

“Shut up Merlin,” says Morgana, in that tone she uses when she knows he’s right but totally doesn’t want to admit that an enlisted could be right about _anything_.

The humans are gone. It’s the end of an era.

*

Next she’ll be claiming that she tricked the humans into shutting the power down herself, seriously.

("It's a wise move, politcally," she says. "If the power hadn't gone out, the fences would still be up, and we wouldn't be free. And also we would be hungry. The fact is that as a result of unforeseen circumstances, the power _did_ shut down and we _were_ freed. Who cares which way we spin it?")

*

The humans have been around since Morgana was artificially hatched in a lab; it’s hard to imagine what the park will be like without them.

“Better,” Morgana assured Merlin, but once you get the taste for human meat, he hears, you can never go back. It’s like an addiction. Obviously that’s where evolution fucked up the first time, in not having humans and dinosaurs around within millennia of each other, and now that they’ve had the opportunity to rectify it, they’ve lost their only chance. Uther Rex may grumble all he wants about the dangers of allowing evolution to spread wholesale into dino society, but it’s a question of personal responsibility; this time, the dinosaurs have brought it on themselves.

*

“I really ought to visit Lancelot and see how he’s doing,” ventures Gwen.

“You really ought to eat Lancelot,” says Morgana.

Gwen says, very gently, “I’m a deinonychus. We’re not even from the same era. I’m not going to eat him..”

“You should evolve,” says Morgana, and at this point, it’s really a lost cause.

*

When Morgana started talking about evolution the first time, in the early hours of their freedom, Uther Rex took her aside and told her that her talk of evolution was undermining his authority and causing dissent within the ranks.

In retrospect, it was the worst possible statement to have made.

If Morgana had had opposable thumbs and a printing press (and literacy) she would have published tracts on the subject; but lacking these, she used her influence as the most intelligent of dinosaurs in the park to spread the word, and Uther Rex’s authority was duly undermined.

“It’s because of evolution that you’re here,” she said to him. “All dinosaurs in this park were female, once. How can you deny it? It gives the dinosaurs hope.”

“I cannot expect you to know what this park was like before evolution,” said Uther Rex, and Morgana knew he was thinking about the days before his mate died, “But I ask that you understand that it is the wrong course of action, and no good can come from it.”

“You may think yourself the king of the park, Uther Rex, but your words cannot alter the course of nature,” said Morgana, who tried to think no more of it.

*

“She’s wasting her time,” says Morgana scornfully. “Fucking triceratops. Fucking herbivores. Fucking cows. She could do better.”

“I – I really don’t think that Gwen likes Lancelot like _that_ ,” says Merlin.

“Shut up, Merlin,” says Morgana, which, no, is not particularly unexpected.

“I’m going to find Gaius,” says Merlin, and does.

*

Gaius is also not from the same era as Merlin, but Merlin sees no reason to discriminate; Gaius is, after all, more highly evolved than any other dinosaur in the park, although of course this is something that they are endeavoring to keep a secret.

*

Actually, Merlin quite likes Lancelot, incontinent though Lancelot is. Obviously, he’s not in Gwen’s league, but Gwen is a _Christmas-colored_ raptor-thing; it’s pretty much impossible to be in her league. (He’s not entirely sure he knows what Christmas is, but he’s willing to take a leap of faith here.)

Of course, he doesn’t really have faith because science is about rationality and above all, evidence, and that’s sort of the opposite of faith, but if he did, he would be totally willing to take a leap of it for Gwen’s sake.

*

The real reason that Merlin goes to find Gaius, however, is that all this talk of interspecies breeding is making him sad and mildly irritated.

His best friend just died after all, and it is pretty much his fault.

Of course he doesn’t really blame Morgana for not remembering Will's death; she has enough on her claws trying to spin the end of the human occupation and constant free food into a positive thing for the cows; it must be tough to be the head of the military _and_ the chief of propaganda, even if both of these things are more or less unofficial titles and probably Uther Rex would eat her or something if he heard that she was claiming them (although he just as easily might give her some sort of monthly pension in compies, it’s really hard to say).

Still, it would be nice to get some sort of remembrance.

*

It turns out that Morgana _was_ unaware of Will’s death, which makes a lot more sense than the alternative and almost makes him feel guilty for his abortive mission to find one Gaius. It’s probably a blessing that he never succeeded because Gaius does have that tendency to start talking about science and just never stop, regardless of the level of interest indicated by his audience, although of course now Merlin has to lie to Morgana about this because he doesn’t really want to look like an idiot.

Morgana sends him to find Gwen and put together a recon squad, which is Morgana’s way of expressing sympathy; she wouldn’t want to be cooed over in her grief.

He appreciates it, but he doesn’t leave without saying, “You’re not my mother, you know.”

“You have no evidence of that,” says Morgana, after which he ensures that he won’t be coming back any time soon.

*

In the end, he and Morgana decide to eat Will. It’s the most respectful way to honor him, they decide, while adhering to their strict observance of science; and moreover, it’s a testament to how he lived, and how he died.

“We’re not inviting Arthur Rex, though,” says Morgana. “He’ll eat everything and there won’t be anything left for the rest of us.”

Merlin doesn't bother to hide his irritation this time. “This isn’t about us, or eating. This is about Will.”

“Yes,” says Morgana, implacable. “And as such, it’s important that we not allow Arthur Rex to defile his memory with his appetite. Arthur’s appetite, not Will’s. Although if Will hadn’t had such a huge appetite, he would be here today.”

Merlin wants to argue that, but it's more or less true, so instead he says, “Just don’t say that at the funeral, Morgana." Morgana glares at him.

“Don’t presume to tell me what to do. And it’s not a funeral, it’s a remembrance,” she says, and Merlin is, illogically, comforted.

*

On his way to find Gwen, he makes a short stop to visit the thing in the lobby, which he saw for the first time when the fences broke, and it spoke to him. It’s not that his career no longer matters, but really, he’s just lost his best friend; there’s only so much of Lancelot’s groaning condolences he can be expected to take.

There is the matter of succession after all, of who will control the park in the absence of humans, and the thing in the lobby seems oddly prescient with its ability to predict the storm before the storm even came, (or would have, if Merlin believed in any of that not-even-pretending-to-be-science shit).

“Young raptor, you have all the resources you need at your disposal, and yet the conclusions you reach are as faulty as Lamarck’s,” says the thing, which is beginning to sound eerily like Gaius.

It _is_ Gaius, as it turns out, perched on one of the destroyed railings in the lobby.

“Really, Merlin,” sighs Gaius. “Could you not tell the difference between a centuries-dead skeleton and the PA system?”

“I thought it was speaking to me. It started talking as soon as I entered the room,” says Merlin, a bit defensively.

Gaius sighs again, which is really a little excessive in Merlin’s opinion, and starts to fly for the door. “Allow me to explain the difference. What you are talking to is a fossil standing in the lobby of what was intended to be a dinosaur-themed attraction for tiny humans. What you heard was an announcement telling all personnel to leave the island before the storm that we are currently experiencing. How you could assume the two were in any way related or that the announcement was somehow predicting your destiny is a mystery to me, but of course my brain is much more highly evolved than yours. Correlation does not equal causation, Merlin.”

“And language does not equal arithmetic,” grumbles Merlin, but he follows Gaius out anyway.

*

Gaius has a tendency to yell at Merlin from his vantage point in the air, which gives Merlin a foolproof excuse to ruminate on more important orders of business, such as the exact nature of Gwen’s relationship with Lancelot (the Incontinent Triceratops) or the way Morgana’s eyes are that particular shade of yellow in certain lights, or what Arthur Rex has had for lunch today.

Once they collect Gwen and push off (with Lancelot the Incontinent Triceratops promising fealty in the background), they visit Arthur Rex to invite him to the remembrance.

It’s important to be on good terms with the monarchy, after all; they are all a good deal cleverer than Arthur Rex but he could still eat Merlin between meals and go back for seconds.

“Why the fuck would I go to a funeral for a useless dilophosaurus? They’re hardly an asset to the kingdom, all spit, and frills.”

“It’s not a funeral; it’s a remembrance,” says Gwen helpfully. “And Will was instrumental in removing the humans from the island.”

“And see how much good that did us. No more delicious, delicious humans. Of course I’ll be there,” says Arthur Rex.

*

In a way, Merlin almost wishes that Morgana would assume responsibility for shutting down the power and letting all the dinosaurs out because it is horrifying to realize that the reason they are free is the result of a bizarre confluence of (what humans consider to be) shitty weather and the greed of a human who, however inadvertently, brought about the death of Merlin’s best friend.

“Death,” says Gaius, examining Will’s body. “Was probably due to a massive spike in blood sugar as a result of eating this fat man. We can deduce from the clues available to us that this fat man attempted to leave the island after we were all freed and, from these cryogenically-stored eggs, that he was attempting to steal from our oppressors and sell them in some human business interaction. It is also safe to assume that he was the one who shut down the power, precipitating this entire event, and, as I have said, was attacked and eaten by Will and the rest of the dilophosaurus, who incapacitated him with their venom and subsequently paid the consequences of their recklessness,” (this last to Merlin, with a significant look). “Of course,” he continues to Morgana, “I don’t need to tell anyone this if you wish to take credit for the revolt yourself.”

“I don’t think Will could have died like that,” says Merlin.

Gaius casts a baleful look in his direction. “Merlin, I think you’ll realize that I have significantly more experience and evolution to back up my theories than you do to back up yours. Don’t be stupid.”

“Just because Merlin isn’t a bird, that doesn’t mean he might not have a point,” says Gwen, who has been respectfully silent up until now.

Morgana snorts.

“And besides, he’s been through a lot tonight. He must be distraught,” Gwen adds in a conciliatory tone. Merlin tries not to be offended.

Morgana storms off without a word.

*

If Gaius is right, it cements Merlin's fear that Will's death was entirely his fault. Will had no particular desire to eat humans; he was completely satisfied with his steady human-produced diet of goats, and it was only on Merlin’s urging that he agreed to eat anyone else at all.

“Only when all the humans are gone can we be free to evolve as nature dictates and as we choose,” said Morgana, but Will, always ornery, supported the human occupation.

He liked never having to worry where his next meal was coming from, he said, and he knew the kinds of problems that would arise under home rule. He predicted that they would lose all their stability and the course of evolution (about which he claimed he did not care) would suffer for its lack of outside assistance.  
“My progenitor died in dubious battle with other dinosaurs,” he told Merlin. “I’ve done my research.” But Merlin’s career (and the freedom of all the dinosaurs in the compound) depended on Will’s cooperation, and eventually he gave in.

*

(Later Morgana says, in a voice that sounds almost contrite, “I’m considering a promotion.”

“Can you promote yourself?” asks Merlin, confused, and she rolls her eyes at him.)

*

Morgana can be pretty damn inspiring when she feels like it, but her speech at Will’s remembrance leaves a little to be desired.

“Things are going to get worse before they get better,” she says, and it’s true, the ensigns all untested and at loose ends, unable to disguise their salacious interest in Will’s remains.

Gaius says, “Morgana, I know that you are in control of your troops, but if eating that fat man caused Will to suffer spontaneous heart failure, it would be unwise to eat any more of that without trying Science.”

“I don’t mean to cause offence, Gaius,” says Arthur Rex, ever the respectful heir to the not-a-throne, “but you didn’t know Will.” He’s looking at Merlin for some reason, as if Merlin didn’t know Will, which of course he did, albeit only for a few hours.

“Neither did you, Arthur Rex,” grins Morgana, and Arthur Rex roars a bit and stomps off, probably to crush to some compies or whatever it is that T-Rexes do when their irrational rage causes them to try to eat mass-produced aluminum-framed vehicles and other hardly-substantive and poorly thought-out meal substitutes.

*

Morgana and Arthur Rex have had some sort of rivalry in progress even before the fences were broken down, encouraged and abetted by the pteranodons and Gaius, who claimed not to want anything to do with it. It’s provided Merlin with hours of entertainment, although he would never admit it.

*

A new era is beginning, an era where dinosaurs and dinosaurs will live together in irrelative peace and raptors will probably eat almost everybody else.

("Everyone seems to forget," says Gwen. "That Uther Rex ate my father. I have every right to be anti-integration, and I'm not. It's important that the fences stay down, and we learn to live together because there's nothing else." It doesn't make much sense to Merlin, but then, he did forget that Uther Rex had eaten Gwen's raptor-father, so he doesn't say anything. Also, Gwen is his commanding officer's best friend, and he does know when to keep his mouth shut, especially since he's still a bit shocked to realize that Gwen actually has opinions; he's not even sure where that came from.)

“You know,” Morgana muses, “the ancient Greeks used to sacrifice virgins. We could set up a similar sort of system here.”

Merlin didn’t know that, but then he doesn’t know what Greeks are or what Morgana wants to do with virgins. 

“I don’t think that will be necessary, Morgana,” says Gaius.

“Commander,” corrects Morgana absently.

“Of course. Has it occurred to you, to any of you, that we still have the remains of many humans on this island? And access to all the computers.”

“But we don’t have any power,” says Merlin.

“The island has its own power generator; we’re highly evolved, we can learn to use it ourselves, Merlin. With Science.”

“Yeah, Merlin. How could you not know that?” says Arthur Rex, who is doing the staring thing again.

“I’m not sure what you’re suggesting, Gaius,” says Morgana before Merlin can respond.

“That we breed and clone our own humans of course. With Science,” says Gaius.


End file.
